Eleanor

 

The last time I blogged I was really trying to make an effort to catch up. I had been feeling like I needed to get stuff done. I guess I was "nesting" because I had this little lady that night!!

I had been contracting just like I had for the last several days (weeks). I hadn't slept much the night before or really for the last several nights. The contractions would get to 2-3 min apart and stay that way for several hours and then spread back out to 6 or 10 min apart. I was just finishing dinner and felt something a little off. I went to the bathroom and found that I was bleeding. I had never bled with any of our other children, and even though I have heard it is normal, it made me nervous. I told Nate and he said we should call the OB on call. When I called she told me to go into the hospital. So we called our home teacher and friend, and I was sure we would be home in a few hours so he hadn't brought anything to stay the night... And we headed to the hospital around 7:30pm. We got there, and they checked me, I was 1/2 further than I had been at my office visit, but that wasn't a big deal. They noted that I was bleeding a little more than is normal, and looking at the baby, there were some d-cells but not super bad. The hospitalist striped my membranes, but then found out that was a no, no so told us not to tell on her ;). They told us to walk around and they would call my dr and we would decide what to do next. Nate and I walked around and the contractions were still really regular and painful, as they had been the last few days, since it wasn't much different, I was sure we would be going home. After a few hours the hospitalist came back and said the on call doctor wanted me to have the baby that night, we were not going home. I still didn't believe the baby was coming, I didn't feel any different. They checked me again and I was 1 1/2 cm further, but still I dilated to a 3 with all of the others and stayed that way for weeks, so going from a 1 1/2 -3 was no big deal to me and again I was sure I was going home. I finally said this to my nurse and she looked at me an laughed. She said, No. You are having this baby now, one way or another. They got me all admitted and moved to a real room and by then the contractions were every minute. This was a little after midnight. I decided to try the epidural again. I had torn so bad with the first three, over 50 stitches, that I tried the epidural with Evie and only had 12 stitches!! Recovering from that many stitches down there was NOT easy so I was ALL for 12 stitches again!!! The anesthesiologist on call happened to be in our ward and Gabby's primary teacher, so I had to have to Nurse Anesthetist do it :(. She was NOT as good, as it took her two tries to get it in and she hit a nerve that made me literally jump. But she got it in and we were ready to go.   

Here I am all drugged up and ready for a baby! At this point I was dilated to a 6. A few minutes after the epidural was in, they noted problems with the babies heart beat. They advised that we turn the epidural down. We ended up turning it off after an hour. My blood pressure also tanked, just like last time. I started to feel everything and realized I was having A LOT of pressure and pain. I was checked and was an 8. I told them the doctor better get up there quick I was ready now. They called but she wasn't coming. Then the d-cells were really bad. The nurse started freaking out. More nurses came in and everyone was getting worried. I said I needed to push and by this time the epidural had completely worn off, they told me there wasn't a doctor there so I couldn't. I told them, my husband is a doctor he can do it. They were actually going to have him do it because the nurse could no longer find a heart beat. Finally the doctor rushed in and told me to push, I did, but my water hadn't broken yet. She broke the water and I heard the nurse screaming that she couldn't find a heart beat. Then she did and it was only 72. The dr said to push and I did, with everything I had, and Eleanor came flying out. The doctor told me to stop, but I couldn't and she came all in one push. (She was born at 3:21 a.m. January 28th) Then the chaos began. She wasn't breathing, wasn't moving, wasn't responsive. The doctor swore and said she had a true knot in her cord and that there was a lot of meconium and she had most likely aspirated some. They had called the NICU team and my room was full of people. They took my precious baby and I hadn't even seen her. I started crying. Nate went over to be with Nora, and I waited to hear any sound from her. I kept asking what was going on and they just kept telling me it would be ok. I was a mess. The NICU doctor came over and told me he had to take her, she wasn't breathing on her own and they needed to get her hooked up to a machine. Just as they were leaving the room I finally heard the tiniest little grunt/whimper from her, it was the sweetest sound ever! Again, I started bawling. The nurse was great and I could hear the relief in her voice as she soothed me and told me everything really would be ok.

I didn't get to see her for almost 6 hours, but Nate was with her the whole time and took these pictures.

 

They hooked her up to a CPAP machine for her breathing and got an IV in her for the meconium. I finally got to go see her at around 8 a.m. They only let me stay for about 15 minutes because they needed to do some things for me and get me checked in with the nurse on my floor. As soon as I could, I went back down to be with Eleanor. It was really hard being away from her, but everyone was really nice and helpful.  They said matters were complicated further by the fact that I had pushed her out all at once, instead of allowing all the crap to be pushed out of her lungs when the head comes out and the body is contracted on.A lot of this was a blur, but she was able to get off the CPAP and just go to a nasal cannula within 24 hours, which was amazing!

Her little face was so swollen from birth and from the breathing machine!

 As soon as she was all the way off any assistance for breathing, I was able to try to nurse her. This was something I had a lot of anxiety about. I tried to nurse Evelyn and she wasn't strong enough to, and then I couldn't pump long because I dried up. I was so worried that I would have issues again. It was a rough go, she didn't want to nurse because she was getting her nutrients from the IV and she had gone two days without nursing and they had given her a binky. But eventually we got it worked out and all is well as far as that is concerned :). (She was born 6lbs 15.5 oz but came home almost a pound lighter. At one month she was all the way up to 8lbs 10 oz!!)

 After she was finally let out of the NICU, the kids got to meet her! They were SO SO SO excited!! Evie loved her immediately and has never stopped loving her. She is always so concerned about "baby".

 Gabby is, as ever, a wonderful older sister. Such a good helper and so in love with her sister!

 Lily has definitely been more interested this time around and has been a great big helper!

 Luke, my little hero! He is the best big brother, always so helpful and concerned and tender.

 I can't believe I have 5 kiddos now!! They are the best!

 One of her newborn screening test came back abnormal and we have done some further testing, but it should be ok. I'll wait to say any more on that. Even though things started a little rough, they worked out just fine in the end and we have our sweet Eleanor Jane Tracey home and loving every minute of it! I am trying to soak up all of this, trying not to take any of it for granted, as this is most likely my last baby :(. I have been advised to call it quits. My body has been pregnant 9 times, and had lots of complications and troubles along the way. The medical opinion is that I shouldn't have any more, my body just can't handle it. I knew this was most likely the case when I got pregnant, but it is still so hard. I know its the right thing in my head, but my heart still hasn't gotten there yet. As I recount the birth story and think about all the scary things that went on not just with this pregnancy and delivery but with Evelyn's too, it makes sense. It really does. But it just hurts to know I won't ever get to do this again. However, I am excited to move onto the next phase of life, and know I will find just as much joy and love there too! I am very lucky and so blessed to have the children I do. Our family is complete now that our little Nora Bean is here!!!