Saturday, March 24, 2012

One Month Old

It is hard to believe that my little Evelyn Rose is already one month old! She turned one month old in the hospital, not exactly the place I would have chosen to spend it :). Because of everything she has been going through they had been checking her every week. We went in for a weight check at the pediatricians office. During the visit they became very concerned because she wasn't breathing well and her weight was barely up an ounce in two weeks. They called the Cardiologist who wanted to see us immediately. We went over and after a quick check were told that she needed to be admitted to the hospital. Her heart failure was increasing, even with the medicine, and she was considered failing to thrive. She was started on new meds and they increased the ones she was on and put in a feeding tube. We stayed from Thursday to Sunday and were finally allowed to leave. It was miserable to see her put through all that, but I know it was needed. She had to come home with the feeding tube and has already pulled it out twice! Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you look at it, they made me learn how to put it in so I could put it back in should she pull it out. I have now successfully put it in 3 times! I NEVER though I could do something like that to my own child! While in the hospital we met with the surgeon. He told us that her hole is so large, it takes up almost the entirety of the wall between the ventricles. It also goes to one side, the side that contains the electrical components of her heart and in order to fix it there is a 5x greater chance that she will need a pace maker for the rest of her life. Then he told us that in his life he had never seen this type of defect in a child that was not downs syndrome. That was a lot for me to take in. She didn't look different to me. It isn't that I would love her any different, but I just don't want anything else to be wrong. So they set up an appointment with a geneticist. Luckily I met with her and she said she is 99.9% sure that she is not downs or mosaic downs of any sort. But she did say that there is a big chance that she has some other problems either neurologically or in her kidneys or somewhere else. So they have ordered several more tests, but they will take place when she goes in for surgery to hopefully help with all the co pays that we are having to pay. They will do chromosomal tests and they will also take a skin biopsy at surgery. It will take weeks to get all the results back, but until then I will just focus on her trying to get big enough for open heart surgery and then recovering from it. The surgery will be at the end of April. I will get a specific date soon. It is crazy to think of all the things this poor little girl has had to endure during her first month of life. I can't imagine struggling for every breath I took and starving but being unable to eat because of how tiring it was. But Evelyn is a fighter and she will be OK. She brings me so much joy, she is such a loving baby and she is worth anything and everything we have to go through to get her healthy!
She is so alert already! And look, her hair has a reddish tint to it!!

 She is still so small, but she is gaining! She is now 8lbs 9oz!!! Yay Evie!!
We feel so blessed with all the amazing doctors we have and the way things have worked out. We know the Lord has had his hand in all of this. We have had so many people helping out with the other kids, bringing dinners, helping me clean, etc. I have felt so much love from everyone, near and far. Thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of love and encouragement and who has helped in any way. It has meant so much, you have no idea!

Monday, March 12, 2012

When did they get so big?!

If you ever want to know how big your kids are getting, just have another one ;). It amazes me how "big" my kids have gotten. It's not as though I wasn't aware that they have been growing up and getting older, but having a baby and having that baby have special needs really shows how grown up kids can be. Luke has been a FANTASTIC help. Not that I ever doubted that, but I am surprised at how much he WANTS to help. He has always been pretty good about doing what I ask and not complaining, but he has been asking me what he can do to help this time!! And he just loves his little sister, I guess he got over her not being a boy ;)!!
Look at that smile! He really loves her.
 How cute is that?! Seriously, this picture was not posed at all.
Gabby is a great help too. She is so loving and always so concerned about Evie's heart. Any time Evelyn makes any noise or starts to cry, Gabby is right there trying to comfort her. (Because of her heart condition we can't let her get too upset so Gabby is ultra protective of her) She wants to be as big as Luke and mom and dad, so sometimes she tries to do things she just isn't big enough for :). She is such a loving sister!
 And then there is Lily. I have to admit I wasn't sure how she would be with the baby, but she has surprised us all! She is every bit as in love with her as the other two. She and Gabby fight over who will get me the diaper when I need one, or who will hold Evie, or who will do whatever it is that I am asking. It really warms my heart :).
These kids are my world, I don't know how I got lucky enough to be their mother, but I am grateful every day for it!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

I'm in Love!

I haven't had much time for blogging lately, much like most new moms. We have had a lot going on. Evie has been to many doctors appointments and has required a lot more time and attention due to her condition. We found out this week that she is in fact in congestive heart failure, so we had to start her on some medication. She seems to be doing well on it and we are hopeful that she will start doing a little better. She hasn't been growing enough so I had to start pumping and then adding formula to the milk to help her grow. But that means she has stayed little and more like a new born longer :). We took advantage of that; my friend DeNae came up to help out and we took these adorable pictures of my almost three week old little Evelyn. These are a few of my favorites. I will post more, well hopefully.





Isn't she just precious?! Well I think so, and that is all that matters :).

Sunday, March 4, 2012

She makes me laugh!!

Lily always has the funniest things to say, I sure love the way she thinks!!
Friday night Nate came home from work before the kids were in bed, a first for the week. The kids wanted some time with him so he went upstairs to tuck them into bed. He came down laughing his head off. While getting them in bed he was biting his nails. Lily looked at him and exclaimed, "Dad!! You're NOT supposed to do that!!" He asked her why. "Because, you will get WORMS in your BUTT!!!!!"

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The First Week

My Sweet little Evelyn is now a week old. When I held her in my arms a week ago I had no idea what the next few days would entail. I thought all my worries were behind me, thought it was finally all over and I could now finally enjoy my perfect little baby. Then I hear words like VSD, open heart surgery and congestive heart failure. I couldn't make sense of what was going on and felt like I was trapped in a bad dream. But I am finally starting to come to grips with the reality of things and it is starting to sink in that this is for real. My precious baby girl was born with a hole in her heart. Actually 2 holes, but they are fairly certain that the one in the upper chamber will close in time. However she has a rather sizable hole in between the lower chambers and because of it's location it will not heal on its own. Left unchecked she would go into heart failure among other things. She is not big enough or strong enough right now, so they have to wait a few months before they can do the surgery. Now, I know everything will be ok. Everyone keeps saying how once the surgery is done she shouldn't have any problems and that this happens all the time. I understand that, but it also isn't as if my baby is just going in to have an ingrown toenail fixed. This is OPEN HEART SURGERY and she is MY baby! Until she has her surgery I have to watch her like a hawk for signs that she is going into congestive heart failure and make weekly trips to the cardiologists. She will likely have to stop breastfeeding because the strain it puts on her heart could become too much. She risks loosing weight and being unable to gain on her own. We can"t let her cry or get worked up because of the strain it would put on her heart, she could start having breathing problems, etc. There is so much that we have to worry and watch for from now until she has this major surgery. And then they are going to cut my tiny little baby open and work on her tiny little heart. It has been a rough few days. I have been coming to some realizations through all of this though. For one, it seemed so crazy to me how we came to match here. So obvious that the Lord sent us here, but why? Well Cleveland Clinic just happens to be the #1 hospital in the nation for cardiac care and heart surgery. I can take comfort in knowing that my baby is in the best hands this nation has to offer for this surgery. I am grateful beyond words for that. Also I wondered why we had to wait so long to have this baby, why we had so many problems getting her here. I wouldn't have been here near this hospital before, also now I have 3 very independent and helpful children that I won't have to worry about as much while trying to care for Evie and for the 5 or so days that she will be in the hospital after the surgery. Then there is why I had to come late, I was so uncomfortable and ready to have her, but had she not stayed in to cook longer she may not have been strong enough to make it through labor as well as she did. It is amazing to me to see just how thoroughly the Lords hand is in every aspect of my life. I am terrified about the next several months and I get overwhelmed by my emotions at times, but I do know that Lord is watching over us. I trust in Him. I hate the thought of seeing this beautiful little girl having to suffer, but I know that with the Lords help we can make it through this.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Double Surprise!!!

Last week was a week of surprises for us! First, my sister Oriana and her husband Travis surprised us and flew out on Friday February 17th to see us! It was so exciting and I was so happy to have them! The day started out just like the any other for the past 2 weeks. I was having hard contractions that woke me up and lasted all day. But they were staying about 7-10 minutes apart. As we got into the car to go get Oriana and Trav, I noticed they were getting closer. By the time I got the the airport they were 2-3 minutes apart and I knew I was in labor. I got out of the car gave them each a hug and them said sorry, but I am in labor so I have to drop you and the kids off. Luckily Nate met us at home. He ate a super quick dinner and we were off. We got the the hospital at 8:20pm and Evelyn Rose Tracey was born at 11:50pm. She weighed 8lbs. 2 oz. and was 20 1/2 inches long. They said she looked to be at least a week overdue!  I felt super bad that we had just dumped the kids on Oriana and Trav, but I was soooo grateful that they were there and that I knew I didn't have a thing to worry about because of them! They are so awesome!! My mom got here on Saturday and by Sunday morning they let us go home! It was wonderful. I will spare all the detail as really all anyone really wants is to see the pictures of our adorable little Evie!!
(She is only 12 hrs old in this picture :))

 Our little hospital room. You can see Luke and Lily were more interested in the games on Travis and Nate's phones than smiling for the picture.
 My three sweet girls!
Luke adores his little sister! He is such a good brother! I am the luckiest mom in the world to have such good kids!!
 My chubby baby.
 Oriana, Evelyn and mom. Boy do I love these ladies!! I am sooooo grateful to have had them and all their help, they are amazing! (Travis and Nate too ;)!)
 Isn't she lovely?!

This post is not exactly how I wanted it to be. But I couldn't let another day go by without posting about my beautiful baby girl and my awesome family that came to help. I wish that I was good with words and could write a post detailing her birth and all the wonderful experiences we have had these past 6 days, but for now this will have to do. I am so happy to have my baby here and feel so grateful for all the love and support I have received!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day!
(Hope your day is filled with love and joy!!)